Our Mini Family: An Open Letter to Eva Mendes: on Sweatpants and Divorce


Mar 19, 2015

An Open Letter to Eva Mendes: on Sweatpants and Divorce

Today, I saw an update on my newsfeed about a recent interview with Eva Mendes. I was happy enough to open the article and review it, and I even watched a video of her interview (see it here) since I respect and admire her as a woman in the film industry.

Her interview talks about her new baby, as well as something that really REALLY bothered me. She said (or joked) that:

Sweatpants are the "number one cause of divorce in America"


I was so stunned by this statement and it really starting eating away at me. I decided to write an open letter to her to convey my reaction to the statement she has made. 

You can read my letter below:


Dear Ms. Mendes,

First off, I want to commend you for having a successful career. For as long as I can remember, I have seen you in multiple films I have enjoyed in which I thought you did a good job playing your role. You are undoubtedly a good actress. But let's get something straight: it seems you know very little about the modern American marriage. 

Perhaps you thought saying that wearing sweatpants ruins marriages was funny. Well, to some people I am sure it was! However, in what world do you live where you would even jokingly say that it's the "number one cause" of divorce? Imagine how this makes you look. Or, imagine what kind of message you are sending to other women (and men alike) who admire and look up to you as a public figure.

Marriage is a sanctity built on love, trust, friendship, and devotion. 

What exactly about sweatpants is going to stop a loving couple in their tracks? When Adam and I met in high school, I lived in sweatpants. College? Loved wearing sweatpants frequently. When I work from home, I work from the comfort of sweatpants. Now, are you trying to tell me that because I wear sweatpants that Adam will stop loving me and leave me? What exactly about wearing comfortable fabric gives you that idea? 

The only logical explanation for why you would even consider making this kind of statement would be because you think that women who wear sweatpants stop caring about their appearance, or because women who wear sweatpants are not intimate with their spouse. Let's get something straight, sister. I go to the gym, I brush my hair, I wear makeup, and I even get dolled up for date night. I buy lingerie and I have a healthy sex life with my husband. Just because I wear sweatpants doesn't mean I don't actively try to look good for my husband.

And here is what is even more baffling for me: do you feel deep down that your husband only married you for your looks? Because if so, I feel sorry for you. A husband should love and cherish you no matter how you look on a given day. If you feel insecure enough that you cannot let your guard down and kick back in a comfy pair of sweatpants, then maybe you need to re-evaluate the quality of your relationship or look deep inside yourself to heal any wounds you have that give you such uncertainty.

As a wife (and as a woman), I encourage you to really reflect on this statement you have made. Women public figures often do not comprehend just how great their influence is. Perhaps you may have joked about this in an interview and never gave it a second thought, or maybe you are already regretting going there. Also, I hope that you have a talk with your manager if you were coached to say that in an interview. 

I am sure I am not the only one who saw this headline and was completely taken aback. With that said, I still think you are a great actress and I will still see you in movies! I just hope that you (and other actresses and actors) really consider what kind of message you send to your fans--even if it is just a joke to you.

Sincerely,
Cathy Mini
Owner and Blogger at OurMiniFamily.com


19 comments :

  1. One one hand, I get it, but she never should have said something like that knowing it would insult the majority of women - across the world.

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  2. I saw this earlier today and was appalled. It truly amazes me what comes out of people's mouths. Does she even have a clue how many people she insulted? I'm gonna sit her in my sweat pants and just watch her fan base slip away. Haha.

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  3. Ha! What a joke. I'm divorced but I can 100% guarantee that my divorce had nothing to do with me wearing sweatpants. Keep us updated if you ever find out if she read your letter.

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  4. Very intriguing! I now need to go watch her interview to see the context. I don't think it's the number one reason for divorce in America. I do think some people let go after being married out of comfort or lack of motivation or busy schedules. But, it's not just women either. I actually think it's sad there is so much pressure on women to stay sexy and beautiful while men can let themselves go if not more than women, and in the words of "Clueless," "we're supposed to swoon?" I will never stop wearing my sweatpants, but I also recognize the value of doing exactly what you are by keeping it alive with lingerie and other symbols of love to keep the spark there.

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  5. I would be in deep trouble if this were true! I wear sweats to bed and I wear them frequently through the day! I do get dressed to go out of the home, especially on a date with the husband. I have a disease, ASP, and it makes my legs very painful. Sitting around in jeans doesn't help. Plus, most of us that hang out at home in sweats, are doing the cleaning, cooking, gardening, among many other things that may get on our clothing. Sweats are the best option for me. Sorry Eva!

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  6. I don't wear sweat pants personally but I do wear lounge pants when I'm sitting around the house. Wow, she really needs to get a clue!

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  7. Wow. That's absolutely the most moronic thing I've ever heard. If sweatpants were the number one cause of divorce NOBODY would be married! Good job on the letter.

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  8. I totally agree with your letter and NOT with Eva Mendes. Just silly!

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  9. Great letter! I agree with you. I love to wear my sweatpants! My husband doesn't mind it either. I usually wear them at night, but I still don't see it as being a sign of divorce.

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  10. I get what she is saying in the realm of if we let ourselves go, our husbands may not be as attracted to us. Mine would always love me, no matter, but in reality, there are men who are like that. I just think she should not have made such a blanket statement like that.

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  11. I'm not one of those people that gets their panties in a bunch over silly things that celebrities say - BUT, in this case I'll make an exception. The message that this sends out to women and young girls is despicable - "You must be pretty, or no one will love you". How many women and girls have lived miserable lives because society has taught them to believe that?

    I'm reminded of a quote from Erin McKean: “You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.”

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  12. I'm not a fan of Eva Mendes. Here statement makes me like her even less.

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  13. I am not going to bash eva, she had basis for her comments. I don't know what they were, but I sure to agree from one vantage point...people are getting downright lazy in their dressing. ANYTHING is acceptable anywhere, and I just don't agree. For myself personally, leggings and sweat pants allow for "Comfortable" ease when it comes to eating. Waist bands make you aware of a growing belly.

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  14. That is a crazy statement to make especially with how famous she is. Hopefully she comes out with an explanation or apology.

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  15. This is scary and yet sad. Sounds like something is definitely missing.

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  16. My guess is she probably didn't mean it the way it came across. It doesn't bother me because I just roll my eyes at things like that while I continue to wear my sweatpants. ;)

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  17. I heard this today and thought many of the same things! My husband said he thinks it is hot when I wear sweats, Take that Eva!

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  18. That's just stupid! If he doesn't like you in sweatpants, then maybe you married the wrong guy in the first place. I hope she was just joking.

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  19. Great letter. I thought a lot of the same things. I thought how sad her marriage must be and if she really believes that what a sad world she must live in. I am sure she was joking or thought it was funny but it really wasn't.

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